wow.. its been ages since ive written here..
anyway, im doing this to kill time..
it's 1:07 now.
sometimes i wish we dont have to sleep.
like fish.
which is wrong in two ways because...
1. it contradicts with the idiom, 'sleeping with the fishes'
and as you all know,
in death, sleep is most certainly unavoidable.
and2. fishes sleep. just with their eyes open.
how do they do that? you ask.
i dont know.
i dont know.
anyway. just to sidetrack alittle,
i think i need to catch up with the world.
it seems that they've left without saying goodbye.
4''33' is playing in the room.
buzzing of the computer.
typing sounds of the keyboard (with occasional pauses)
and non existant traffic outside.
with alittle bit of train in it.
im really bored. can you tell?
i need to have a normal conversation with people.
just a good nice talk over starbucks coffee or something.
im gunna shoot a film after my olevels. im still deciding on the actors though, was thinking of trudy and sheng yuan. still weighing my options.
but of course, they're awesome to help me out with this.
im gunna try doing something now.
It's the silence alright. He loved the silence.
It's not like i dont like silence.
i do.
that way, i can look at him alittle longer than usual.
sometimes i wonder what he's thinking about.
sometimes i fear.
ever so slight his movements are to tell me his dissatisfaction.
He's perfect, i say.
He didnt need to change.
but he would'nt listen.
at least, not to me.
not to someone he doesnt notice.
sometimes i think all he ever cares about is himself.
but that doesnt matter to me.
as long as he keeps looking at me the way i look at him
as long as he i can see him smile.
sometimes i see him dance.
sometimes i see him tryping ferociously.
sometimes, it's like i can feel his presence ever so close.
like he was there.
His tears.
oh,so heavy.
like a down pour,
little water droplets trickle down his face, drenched with sorrow.
i wish i could reach out to him.
go to him
and scream out
im always here with you
...but i cant.
not now. not ever.
it's like im trapped between this glass barrier
with him standing on the other side.
helpless is the word.
i dont see him anymore.
i dont just see...him.
theres another one now.
he smiles, she smiles.
i can feel myself cracking alittle inside.
silence doesnt fill the room anymore.
now, noises.
the moments we shared were the most intimate.
now it's shared by three.
suddenly exposed to the reality.
i know it is inevitable to avoid the truth.
tears shed were meant for someone else to look at.
smiles...
i dont want to think about it.
He broke me.
i know it's not on purpose.
i know he hadnt meant it.
i never expected it to end this way.
but it did.
and now, im shattered beyond repair.
yep. it's done! :)
the narrator, is actually, a mirror.
but more than that, it reveals a painful part of a one sided love.
we've all experienced that. we've all been broken.
i would like to thank wongfu productions ( check them out, they're just fantastic.) and shinkai makoto for the inspiration. it's because of them in the first place i started to write this. (getting a taste of their styles)
they're both just incrediable stories.
anyway, its already 2. i need my beauty sleep now.
you've been amazing, sitting here, reading this.
:)
thanks for hearing me out! :)
*love*
-Grace :)